When Your Student Says They’re “Fine,” But You’re Not So Sure
The Mixed Signals of Winter Break
When students come home for winter break, parents often expect relaxation, reconnection, and a chance to hear how college is really going. But many parents quickly notice something feels a bit off. Maybe your student is sleeping unusually late, seems withdrawn, avoids talking about classes, or gets defensive when you ask simple questions. Even when they insist, “I’m fine,” you may sense the opposite. These mixed signals are incredibly common, especially after a demanding or disappointing semester.
Why Students Hide Their Struggles
Students often want to protect their independence, avoid worrying you, or escape the embarrassment of not feeling as successful as their peers. College can be overwhelming, and it’s hard for many students to admit they’re behind or struggling academically. Some fear judgment, others feel shame, and some simply don’t yet have the vocabulary to describe what’s going wrong. When students say “I’m fine,” it is often less about truth and more about self-protection.
What to Look For Beyond Words
Parents tend to pick up on subtle cues that their student is stressed or overwhelmed. Common signs include changes in sleep patterns, irritability, lack of motivation, avoiding questions about school, or making vague comments like, “Next semester will be different.” You might hear them downplay their workload or brush off concerns about grades. These are often indicators that routine, organization, and executive function skills fell apart as the semester progressed.
Opening a Supportive Conversation
When your student seems hesitant to talk, avoid direct interrogation about grades or performance. Instead, try opening the conversation gently with questions like:
• “What part of last semester felt hardest?”
• “What surprised you most about college life this year?”
• “Is there anything you want to do differently in the spring?”
These prompts invite honesty without forcing them into a defensive posture. A calm, empathetic tone encourages them to share what’s really happening academically, socially, or emotionally.
Helping Them Reflect and Reset
If your student reveals that they struggled with time management, motivation, or keeping up with coursework, remind them this is extremely common and completely fixable. Winter break is actually the perfect time to regroup. Encourage them to think about small changes: planning out weekly schedules, breaking assignments into manageable pieces, going to office hours more consistently, or adjusting course loads if needed. Students often feel relieved when the focus shifts from “What went wrong?” to “What can I improve?”
When Your Student Needs More Than Reassurance
If your instinct tells you the struggles run deeper, trust that instinct. Many students don’t need more pressure. What they need is support, structure, and guidance for building better systems. That’s where professional college coaching can make an enormous difference. College Success Plan works with students who are overwhelmed, falling behind, or unsure how to rebuild after a difficult semester. Our coaches help students develop their executive function skills and provide personalized accountability, time-management tools, and routines that help students regain confidence and control.
If you’re worried that things are not as “fine” as your student claims, this is the best moment to step in with support. Let’s talk about your student, and how we can help them enter the spring semester with clarity, stability, and the skills to move forward less stressed and with confidence.
